Monday, December 13, 2010

So, what to do now?

We PCSed about a month ago. We’ve spent that time getting settled in our new home, unpacking our many boxes, decorating (well, I’ve decorated, my husband just nods in approval), and getting our daughter settled in her new school (which has taken some work). We’ve enjoyed these past weeks, finally getting to spend time together, time that we so sorely missed during his last deployment. But, as they say, all good things must end.

It’s Monday morning. My husband went back to work today. Our daughter is at school. Last night, as they were each filled with anticipation about the beginning of their week—he, because he gets his unit assignment; she, because she has final exams—I was thinking about what I would do to make sure the day was productive. And I was realizing that, for the first time, I wasn’t going anywhere.

I have never been one to take time off. In fact, before this move, I had never taken more than a week off since I started working when I was 15. I’m not exaggerating. When my daughter was born, I was a senior in college. She was born on Saturday, I was back in class on Tuesday morning, and back to work soon after. I guess you could say that I took “off” of work during my first year of law school. But, considering I was attending eight hours of classes, followed by several more hours of studying, combined with the fact we weren’t allowed to work, I didn’t really consider it a break. I’ve always worked hard, and usually in several jobs at a time. So, yes, I’m tired. And in my last position, the hours had gotten long, the work stressful, and the traveling intense. So, I was looking forward to this time off. Or, so I thought.

I’ve enjoyed the past few weeks relaxing and getting settled in with my family. But, what am I supposed to do now? Now that they’re all gone and I’m at home—alone?

It’s not that I need people around me to be happy. In fact, I really enjoy my privacy and solitude. I’m perfectly comfortable being alone and spending time with just me, myself, and I. What’s bothering me isn’t being alone—it’s not working. It’s hard for me to realize that my husband is off getting his assignment, my daughter is off learning and working hard on her classes, and I’m here, with nothing to do.

Of course, I should clarify that “nothing” includes doing laundry, vacuuming, the never finished chore of unpacking and organizing, getting everything ready for Christmas, writing and submitting freelance articles online, working on my website for my new business, and applying for jobs (since I must always have a back-up plan). So, it’s not like I’m bored. I just feel, well . . . un-me.

I suppose it’s just time to develop a new me. One who doesn’t need to be exhausted to feel productive, and one who doesn’t need business to feel useful. And I guess it’s time to start working on her now. That should keep me busy for a while.


  1. I know how you feel. It feels very weird for me not to be working, but also at the same time, I'm loving it. Its given me time to completely devote to my classes and I've passed them (even the horrible Chemistry one) with flying colors, and spend much needed time with my family. I'm going to go back to work, I just have to, not even for the money, but just because I need to. I'm not sure what the medium is...I'll be following your blog for insight though. :-)

    Much love Pam,


  2. I can completely relate to your post in so many ways. I am also and Army wife and a lawyer and am expecting my 3rd child next summer (this will make 3 kids under the age of 3 - our 1st 2 are twins). I worked as an attorney for 4 years before getting married and continued working wherever we went until I had the twins last year. I am now taking time off, but I miss it and it is hard. I often think if we didn't move around so much I would be more established in my career and better able to handle the balancing act of motherhood and working. (sigh) Anyway, I admire your ability to use your degree in so many different ways. Keep doing what your doing! And, good luck getting "settled". :-)


  3. Enjoy the time off Pam. I felt the same way and then realized that even hard workers need a break ; ). The right job or business plan will come. So, there's no need to hurry ; ).


  4. Thanks, ladies.

    Meagan, it's nice to "meet" someone here whom I have so much in common with! You must be exhausted with young twins and a baby on the way. I can assure you that being home with your children while they're young will be the most important job you ever do. Lawyering can certainly wait! Our children are all in school, so I don't feel quite as useful at home, but I'm working on it. :) And you're right, "settled" is a bit of a misnomer, since it never really happens, does it? Thanks for your comment!

    Bekah & Eunice, I am trying to enjoy it. But, I really have to be productive to be happy...hence the new blog, I suppose. :)