Thursday, January 6, 2011

Enough Already!

Today, it has been exactly two months since I’ve had full-time employment. It’s been two months since I had to get up early, find heels that matched my slacks, and make the drive to work. Well, to clarify, I still have to get up early. But, now, I’m waking up early to wake up my family, prepare sack lunches, and make sure everyone has breakfast. And then, I stay home, often in sweatpants. I, like so many others, used to dread the Monday morning alarm. I worked too many hours and had too much stress. I looked forward to Saturdays and the rare day off. Putting on a pair of sweats felt heavenly. But, now, it feels restrictive. I want to put on heels that match my slacks. I’ve been tempted to wear heels while doing laundry or vacuuming, but it seems silly, and potentially dangerous. The first month was ok. I was busy getting the house unpacked, getting my daughter settled in school, and getting familiar with our new surroundings. Plus, my husband was on leave, so we relished our time together, just the two of us. I enjoyed being at home during the holidays. Being able to spend every day with the kids and not have to worry about day camps while I was busy working was wonderful. I didn't miss out on any of the special moments we shared, and for that, I'm very grateful. But, now, I’m ready to be back--back at work, back in my career, back out in the world with everyone else. I’m not completely sedentary. I’ve been keeping busy with freelance writing gigs and teaching online courses. I have plenty to do around the house, still getting it in order after our move. But, it’s just not enough. Or, maybe it is enough, but I just don’t feel like I’m enough, without my career, that is. I’d like to think I wasn’t defined by my career. But, I have to admit that it was a huge part of who I am, a huge part of my strength, my independence, my feeling of success as a woman. I need that back. And while I realize that many people have been without work much longer than I, I truly feel like two months is enough. I have a few possibilities on the horizon, and I am confident that the right opportunity will present itself soon. And I’m sure that, when it does, I will once again long for a day off, a day to just wear sweats. But, today, I just feel like it's been long enough.

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